Spit up in my shoe

I decided the other day, while cooking dinner, that if I were to start a new blog it would be called "Spit up in my shoe".  Because that's how my life seems to be these days.  (Joel had just spit up in my shoe while I was holding him and I was getting dinner together.  How did it make it inside my Toms while I was wearing them?  I have no idea.)  I wouldn't trade my life for the world, and I'm not complaining.  But there have been days since Joel's been home where I've had to make the choice to laugh.  Because what else can you do?  Three kids has kept me busy, but I finally feel like we're finding our new normal.  I'm actually showering AND putting on makeup in the same day.  Most days (recently) I don't have to make the choice for either/or.

Joel loves to hang out.  People comment that he's a pretty mellow baby.  Someone in my family asked me the other day "does he ever cry?"  Yes.  Yes, he does.  He obviously likes to show off for others though :) But, really.  He's a pretty good baby.  And if you're one of those people that's annoyed by babies that sleep then don't read the rest of this paragraph.  Joel is down to waking up only once a night.  And last night slept from 9:30 to 5:50.  (I'll fully admit to him being fussy after about 5:00 though.  He whines off and on and eats fairly often from 5 to 9:30.)  He's not quite two months old.  I feel like that's pretty good, right?  But what do I know.  He's our first infant.  

There's something about that tiny little hand wrapped around my finger that makes my heart melt and turns it all to mush.  

Joel baby is smiling more and more these days.  It's so fun to see him grow and change.  

He mostly smiles for his dad.  

How in the world did I end up with two daddy's boys?  I don't know.  But I did.  

Obviously.

Sweet Ruthie Mek has moved from tolerating Joel to actually loving him. 

Although Joel doesn't look super comfortable here, I can't help but love that Ruthie is not only holding him on her lap - but also holding his hand.  

Ruthie loves to swing "all day" lately.  Last night when we were praying, she asked me to pray for her swing.  I love pictures of her that aren't posed.  That's the only time you get to see her true beautiful smile.  She's so cute I could eat her up. 

And if I had just said that to Ruthie, she'd look at me and smile really big and ask "On a cracker?" 

Yes.  Eat you up on a cracker.  Sweet thing.  

And how cute is she in that stripey swimsuit?  Pretty dang cute.  But she's pretty dang cute no matter what.  

Eli continues to take his role as big brother very seriously.  He loves Joel.  He was carrying him the other day and started screaming "ouuuuch!  Joel's pinching me!  But I'm not going to get mad at him because he doesn't know what he's doing.  He's just a baby."  

This picture.  This sort of thing is a regular occurrence.  Eli loves to be wherever Joel is.  I have lots of pictures of the two of them snuggled up.  And Eli tells me on almost a daily basis that he can't wait for Joel to turn a year old so they can share a room.  

I can't believe I get to be Eli's mommy.  He brings me so much joy. I tear up often when I look at him.  

 I know he can talk your ear off, and I affectionately refer to him as the Hall Monitor because he doesn't let anyone get away with anything.  Ever.  He's a pretty major rule follower.  (Unless his cousin Sarah babysits him.  Or unless you tell him he can't talk for a little bit.  Then he explodes with words.)  But there's something about the one that makes you a mommy for the first time.  I love all of my kids (obviously).  But I love them all for different reasons.  This kid took a chunk of my heart first.  

 Eli and Ruthie eating their after school snack while hanging out with Joel in his room.  

This is one of my favorite views I've ever had.  All getting along.  No TV on. (I have turned into my mother.  I hate when the tv is on these days.  It used to drive me crazy when she'd walk in and tell us to turn off the tv, buuuut.  Here I am.  Doing the same thing.)  Three kids just peacefully snacking and chatting.  

And here's my sweet little family of five on Mother's Day.  

 They gave me this lisa leonard designs necklace with the kids names on it.  I love it so much.  It's exactly what I wanted.  How did they know?  Oh.  I bought it for myself and gave it to Ben a few weeks before Mother's Day.  Ben's a great gift giver and totally would have bought it for me, but why not just purchase it myself while I'm looking?  I'm glad I don't have a husband offended by that sort of thing.  Ben spoils me all year round.  Like brings me home a new dress on a random day - and it makes me so happy that I feel like I've won the lottery.  So really.  The pressure is off for all these holidays.

Ruthie made a bag with her handprints on it, and filled out a little questionnaire at school for Mother's Day for me.  

My Mommy's favorite thing to do: Play with my kitty cat toys with me

My Mommy's favorite food: Pizza

My Mommy always says: it's ready, let's go!

What I love most about my Mommy?  that she plays with me

My Mommy is four years old.

And Eli brought this home from school for me.  

I love the cheesey cuteness of this.  

I love being a mom.  I love my kids.  And if that means I sometimes have spit up in my shoe, then I'm more than ok with that. 

One month

He likes to sleep, eat, stick out his tongue and furrow his brow.  

And he's cute and loveable and we adore him.  

Welcome, Baby J!

So this will be a bit lengthy.  And maybe not all accurate, because I didn't write anything down along the way and am purely going from memory.  Buuuut, here goes.  

I have a circle of friends that have adopted domestically using a local agency.  (I highly recommend them!) I had heard a few times that they were in need of families. Around Christmas, Ben and I decided to take the first steps and apply.  We mailed in our initial application, and then waited for their next required training session - which was the end of February.  

After completing our required training, I halfway filled out the paperwork and then put it on my nightstand.  I was excited to add to our family, but I always seem to drag my feet a bit on the paperwork.  One day in late February when the kids were at school, Ben and I had a discussion about when we should turn in the paperwork.  We decided to just finish it, send it in, and wait.  There's no timeline for a domestic adoption. You are just waiting on someone to choose you.  We figured it would be awhile for us.  You never know what someone is looking for in a family for their child.

I walked into my room to finish the paperwork after talking to Ben, and I had a missed call on my phone.  It was someone from Deaconess.  She asked if we'd decided to proceed with adoption, and if we thought we might use their agency.  I told her we were just talking about it, and I had actually just walked into my room to work on the paperwork.  She asked how soon we could get it in, because there was a mom that wanted to see our family's profile (based on the little information we had provided our agency on our initial application).  WHAT?  I was shocked.  I finished the next round of paperwork over the next two days and Ben dropped it off at our agency's office. 

We scheduled our homestudy update for the following week.  When the girl from our agency was here doing our homestudy, I asked if she knew anything about the mom looking at our profile, and she said she was still considering our family.  WHAT? 

I thought about it all week.  I tried not to, but I couldn't help it!  I finally emailed Deaconess that Friday (on my way to Created for Care!) and asked if the mom had chosen a family yet.  They responded quickly that she had decided to parent.  I was glad to just know.  I'm glad that she was able to parent her child - my hope is that every child has a family.  And he (it was a boy) would have a family! 

On March 11th, I found out that we had one last piece of paperwork to turn in to complete our homestudy.  Its sometimes hard for me to do things like that when I'm chasing kids, so I put it off a day.  I emailed the document in on Tuesday, the 12th.  A few hours later, I got a call from deaconess saying that a birthmom wanted to talk to us.  She asked if I could set up a conference call.  I was on my way to meet someone for an appointment (I was helping Ben out) and had my kids.  I told her I could talk around 4:30.  

And then I got off the phone and panicked.  What in the world was happening?  Is this like an interview?  I frantically texted back and forth with my friend Melissa (who had used this agency prior) and asked what to expect.  I was freaking out a little bit.  

At 4:15 I was rounding up the kids from our appointment, trying to load them in the car and figure out my plan of action so I could talk on the phone without interruption ny 4:30.  Ruthie, of course, suddenly had a dirty diaper that couldn't be ignored.  I was freaking out.  I don't like to be late or flustered.  I was both.  I changed Ruthie and ran out to the car with the kids 

Fruit snacks, movie and headphones for the kids.  Drive to a parking lot so I can sit and talk on the phone.

My phone rang at 4:30.  Conference call with our adoption specialist from Deaconess and J, the mom looking for a family for her child.  I'm not going to lie.  It was awkward.  What do you say on that sort of call?  I didn't say much.  I didn't know what I was supposed to say or ask.  But our contact with Deaconess walked us through it.  She told us that J and I were equally nervous - so that was nice.  Solidartiy sister.  And then after a few minutes of talking, she said "J has chosen you as a family for her little boy." and I babbled and said some really dumb stuff and cried a little bit.  And then she said that she was due the next week.  And that she wanted to meet us the next Monday.  Six days later.  The day before her due date.  

Panic.  I knew Ben was going to be out of town for work, so I asked if we could do it Tuesday instead.  On her due date.  How awesome am I?  Not very.  But she was of course so sweet and said that would be fine.  

And I hung up the phone in a flurry of excitement.  I couldn't believe we were going to be parents again.  And to a little boy!  And next week!  And do I even know how to parent an infant?  Third child, first infant.  A new ballgame.  

And so the craziness began...

I called Ben and told him we were going to be parents again.  Next week.  He was in shock.  So was I! 

We decided to keep it a secret.  How fun would it be to just show up and have our third child? After all the waiting we'd done to bring Eli and Ruthie home (totally worth it by the way!), this would be a fun change!

And then I remembered that we're talking about me here.  How am I supposed to keep a secret this big?  I told a few close friends.  A few people in my international and domestic adoption community.  Some strangers at the grocery store.  (Just kidding about that last one.  But come on.  I can't keep a secret this exciting.) 

And the love started pouring in.  People are so nice to us.  I hear stories about people not having support when they're walking a hard (or just frantic!) road and I hate that.  And I feel really lucky that people always come alongside me.  And even drag me along to reality sometimes.  

I already had a girls night out on the schedule with some of my oldest friends (since marraige) for that Thursday.  Two days after we found out the news.  The night before we were supposed to meet, we were group texting and I announced our big news.  They were all so excited.  And so sweet.  And all asking "what do you need?" to which I responded "You tell me!  I've never had a newborn!  We do need a name though.  I know that much."  On my drive to to the restaurant for girls night on Thursday, I thought to myself that I might just burst into tears once I saw everyone.  I just felt exhausted from the range of emotions I had been feeling (excitement for us!  Deep despair for our baby's birthmother and family.  To name a few of the hundreds of emotions I had experienced.) 

I pulled into the restaurant and saw my friend, Courtney, standing outside with a big bunch of blue balloons.  I rolled my window down, looked at a mixture of my different friend circles standing there, and gave them a look.  A look like I might shoot them for making me cry :)  

But I didn't cry.  I may have spaced out a few times, but I didn't cry.  They were so sweet to throw a little surprise shower together for me.  For Joel.  It was the perfect way to spend the evening.  

The next morning, Eli walked in to our dining room and saw the balloons and gift bags from the night before.  He looked at me and said "DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? ARE WE HAVING A BABY?!"  Nice work, Reba.  I really did a bang up job of keeping the baby a surprise.  I told him my friends had given me some stuff for a baby we might have someday.  "SUNDAY?  WE'RE HAVING A BABY SUNDAY?" No.  Someday.  And I started hoping that J didn't go into labor early.  Because it could be possible that we'd have a baby Sunday!  And that was only two days away.  And I wasn't ready yet!!    

The rest of the weekend was spent preparing for our tiny baby boy.  We traveled up the interstate on Tuesday, the 19th, to meet J and her family for lunch.  Never has a heavier conversation been had in IHOP.  People asked me if it was weird or awkward.  It really wasn't.  We just talked.  It was good.  And we all really like each other!  They were honest about their feelings and fears and expectations.  We were too.  We had good conversation.  They are a sweet family.  

And J told us that she would be having a c-section on Thursday, the 21st!  Two days later!  

The next day we got a call from our agency, and they told us that J wanted to have a night at the hospital with her baby boy, and we could come meet him on Friday, the 22nd.  Yay! 

We got a call on Thursday to let us know that our baby boy had been welcomed into the world.  Because he was a c section baby, he had a little bit of trouble with fluid and breathing.  He was put under observation and then ultimately admitted to the NICU.  We were praying for our baby boy, but also felt confident that this was a minor thing and he would be well soon.  

We drove up the interstate with our family and stayed in a hotel for the weekend.  We visited with J and her family, and got to see our baby boy.  

Walking in the hospital.  Going to meet brother for the first time!

We couldn't hold him the first day while they were getting him regulated in the NICU.  But when he was two days old, we finally got to hold him.  

And since kids aren't allowed in the NICU, the kids got to meet him through the window.

Joel's birthmom, J, left the hospital on Sunday.  It was really difficult, because she was leaving her baby in the NICU for at least a few more days.  

Our family came back home on Sunday evening.  Ben had to go out of town for work Monday through Thursday, so I spent the rest of the week driving up and back to the NICU to see Joel.  (My sister stepped in and took care of Eli and Ruthie all week while I was burning up the interstate.)  Joel was finally released on Thursday, a week after he was born.  Joel and I went from the NICU to a fast food restaurant to meet up with J and her family so they could hold Joel and love on him for a few hours before they had to say "See you later".  It was such a good (but also hard and emotional) meeting.  So nice to be out of the NICU and out in the world.  

I finally started the two hour drive home with Joel around 4:00 so our family could all be together.  We took our first family of five picture:

And we started our lives as a family of five.  And with an infant!  And I had to keep it a secret from my online people!  It was hard.  I showed up with Joel to pick up the kids from school, and to church on Easter, and friends and acquaintances looked at us crazily and said "Is that your baby?!"  Surprise!  

Life with an infant has been so different and sweet.  Eli loooooves his brother.  Ruthie loves him and then she doesn't. :)  "Why that baby cry?  Why he go wahhhh?  Why he do that?" Ha ha :)  Both of my big kids have been really sweet.  And our friends and family love Joel.  He's been held a lot, oohed and ahhhed over, and just plain loved on.  

As I write this, I realize that I'm writing from the excited adoptive parent perspective.  And I can't help but think about J and her family, and the real loss they are experiencing.  It's not lost on me.  Adoption is such a mixed bag of love and loss and heartache and hurting and healing.  But, we really look forward to growing our relationship with J and her family.  We've emailed back and forth already.  We are excited that we'll get to meet up with Joel's birthfamily throughout the year.  We have a common bond that his entwined our families forever.  This sweet little boy that has a lot of people that love him.  And we are so, so grateful for that.   

And last - I just have to mention how much love we've felt.  We have had SO many people support us through this.  Once word got out that we were having (or had already had) a little boy, people sprang into action.  I already mentioned that some of my friends threw me a surprise shower.  Eli was invited to play at a school friend's house and when I told his mom that we were preparing for a baby the next day, she offered to watch Ruthie as well (along with her three kids) so I could run some last minute errands.  When I went to pick up my kids a few hours later, she sent me home with my two happy kids and a homemade lasagna.  Baby necessities showed up in our house.  Offers to watch our kids so we could get stuff done, or travel up and down the interstate rolled in.  Little bags of new clothes showed up on our porch.  A little hat was made especially for Joel.  A food calendar was started so that we don't have to worry about meals for a month.  (A month!)  Prayers and phone calls and excited texts poured in.  And I'm sure I'm forgetting about other things.  But you get the picture.  People are nice.  I don't know why they're so nice to us - because I don't think I'm particularly thoughtful (although this has made me realize that I need to be a lot more aware to what's going on with others around me.)  But we have felt so much love.  

And, when I was finally able to announce the arrival of little Joel Nolan on facebook, even more love and excitement (and shock!) poured in.  About 15 minutes after I posted I already had so many likes and comments full of love that I teared up a little and turned to Ben and once again asked "Why are people so nice to us?" 

We are grateful.  Grateful for another little life that we get to be apart of.  And grateful for this community of people who have shown us so much love and support.  To say "thank you" is not nearly enough - but I'm going to say it anyway. 

Thank you.  

Surprise!

Big news!  We're a family of five.  

I know.  It's still a little shocking to me too.  

Meet Joel Nolan

And later this week I'll tell you all about how we came to be his parents!

Ruthie Day

A year ago, I woke up in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.  I got ready for the day, ate breakfast, and nervously waited in the living room of the guest house I was staying in.  Waitng for my little Ruthie Mekdes to make her appearance.  

And hours later she did.  She and her little scared, frozen smile.  

My heart.  

One year ago she came into our lives.  And over the year she has blossomed.  I can hardly remember the girl that she was.  She's still the spunky girl that came into our lives.  But she's sweet.  And so happy.  And adorable.  

Here she is on Easter Sunday.  

Adorable.  

And this video my niece took of her last week.  I could die.  

IMG 3137 from Rebecca on Vimeo.
I've probably watched it 87 times.

We went out last night to celebrate, because we had a commitment we couldn't get out of today.  Our actual Ruthie Day.  I told Ruthie she got to pick what we did for the evening.  I told her all about why we were celerating her, and how happy we are to have her in our family.  She told me she wanted to go eat Ethiopian food. (Yay!) But both Ethiopian food restaurants in the area are closed on Mondays. (Boo.)  We ended up eating Mexican food.  Ruthie couldn't stop kissing her daddy and holding his hand.  

Have I told you how often Ruthie says things like "You take care of me mommy.  You're a good mommy!" and "You are so wonderful to me.  You are precious to me!" and "I want you hold me alll Day.  I want you snuggle me alllll day."  She does.  Daily.

But after we celebrated Ruthie Day last night, we got in the car and I turned around and exclaimed "Ruthie!  It's your first Ruthie Day celebration!  What do you think?"

She looked at me, giggled and smiled while she said "Ummmm, not good!"

It probably doesn't sound that funny to you.  But we all died laughing.  She's such a stinker.  So cute.

We are so grateful to be Ruthie's parents.  That privilege is not lost on us.

Happy Ruthie Day.  

cuteness

I was getting ready to put Ruthie to bed (hence her sleeping cap) and was talking to her about when she got to spend the night at her cousin's house.  She was so stinkin cute I couldn't help but video her.  

IMG 2682 from Rebecca Winter on Vimeo.

I mean.  She is so dainty and happy and cute I can hardly stand it.  

He works out

If you've been reading this for a while, you know that Eli likes to work out.  I don't know why.  But he does.  He's serious about exercise.  

I walked into his room the other day and he was doing pullups on his ladder that goes up to the top bunk.  I kind of laughed and he said "video me!"  So I did.  

IMG 2677 from Rebecca Winter on Vimeo.

"This is for lessons at home, kids"
What?  Where does he come up with this stuff?

And then the next day, we were watching PBS kids first thing in the morning.  A commercial came on that said something like "How many fruits and vegetables will you eat today?" and then had numbers running up from 4 to 9 I think .  Eli took it as a challenge and announced that he'd be eating 10.  I told him we could keep a list of what he'd eaten on the pantry.  But really, who eats that many fruits and vegetables a day?  

"apple, banana, apple, banana, strawberry, pear, potato, carrot, pear, asparagus"
He does apparently.  He set his mind to it.  And he did it. 

And asked me to take a picture of him flexing his muscles.  Next to the list. 

And then he asked me to take a video of him with his muscles.  

IMG 2780 from Rebecca Winter on Vimeo.

What am I going to do with him?  I don't know.  

Maybe he'll start his own line of workout videos for kids.  

Have you raised a child like Eli?  Can I put you on speed dial?